The Pretty Blerd Guardian!

As our community gets bigger, we welcome more variety into our lives but also scrutiny and harm. I’m not speaking of people who hold a different opinion for taste but rather an unhealthy mindset that can negatively affect someone. No fandom is perfect and despite the fluctuation of drama that might arise, a part of me feels that we’re a place where many can voice a different opinion but still be considered with kindness and understanding. But how do we handle those who wish ill intent or harm others by ignorance? Today I want to discuss being an ally to those who are affected by prejudice and how to approach the drama without compromising your mental health.

To start I want to state something plainly: racism isn’t welcomed in my house. Neither is sexism, transphobia, homophobia, classism, or fetishizing – none of that is tolerated and it never will. I’d like to think that many people feel the same way I do but with that being said, I need to impart some wisdom from someone who has experienced this time and again: battling racism isn’t accomplished by talking smack behind a keyboard. Just because you told someone off doesn’t make them magically learn from their mistakes and suddenly stop being prejudiced and/or racist. I find it much like an addiction complicated to extract from the mind and slow to leave your body.

If you’re lucky, they’re smart enough to understand how overwhelmed they are by numbers and either delete themselves or simply stop posting. This doesn’t mean they disappear. They’ll create another account with friends making more burners to use as they find a new “nesting” ground to find a more “accepting” space for their horridly deformed beliefs. 

And while you might feel a sense of pride knowing that you confronted someone racist or unjust online, you aren’t completing the assignment. Let’s use the discourse from a few weeks ago as an example when a person used a slur to describe the Asian community: I know for a fact they were fighting for their lives in the comments as the retweets and vague posts flooded the timeline for an entire day but how many actually considered to check the welfare of the person it was affecting?

I’m not dropping their name to respect their privacy but this person went to great lengths, despite the pain this term brought them, and explained with clear, thorough detail why that term was hurtful. They spoke with even ground by speaking to them rather than at them to help this prejudiced, misguided individual to understand why it was wrong. As someone who could not possibly be as eloquent nor patient in the face of prejudice, I was humbled by this person and their grace, patience, and strength. They’re incredible and the inspiration for this article.

Be an Ally of Love and Justice!

Sometimes the word ‘activist’ can make people squirm a little because there are implications that you will have to complete an entire checklist of confrontational, emotionally demanding tasks before someone can give you the esteemed title of ‘ally’. This isn’t the case! You can still be an ally to someone and express this in gentle but impactful gestures. One that resonates with me the most is actually taken from an excellently written article on Better Up provided here:

Be human first — lead with empathy, make it personal and be open to change.

Maureen Obatomi

This isn’t an open letter to try and change someone from being prejudiced, that isn’t a task I’ll never place upon anyone because it isn’t our responsibility. It’s very much a personal journey that the individual must decide to take themselves, the best we can do is point them in the right direction. Instead, take the energy you’d expend from arguing with these individuals and use it to nourish the people that are affected: ask them if they’re okay, listen to their stories, and be someone they can depend on when things become overwhelming. Protect them by documenting the accounts supporting the harmful/verbal attacks into a list for the affected to block for their safety, then report accounts for harassment, and try to not purposely incite anger that would possess these people into more abusive, dangerous behavior.

Your insults aren’t going to change the life of someone ignorant and anything you say can and will be used against everyone so please be mindful of how your actions can affect others around you. People who are misguided and miserable enough to harm other people for unjust reasons may never understand their wrongs but your words can bring those who are attacked comfort and safety when they are surrounded by cruelty.

Drama in the Otome Community

As huge as the discourse might feel to many people, it’s important to keep in mind that our community – while growing – is still expanding. Every small snag and disagreement is immediately placed under the magnifying glass because we all enjoy otome content and Twitter will undoubtedly recommend it to us, where it floods our timeline. It’s not my favorite feature of Twitter because the app will highlight the most controversial, looked-at post instead of something more meaningful like art or indie game Kickstarters asking for support.

And as a member of the community, you’ll always have the final say as to how much or little you wish to engage with conflict but as a suggestion, especially to those still new: if it doesn’t have any impact on yourself that is considered harmful, leave it. It’s not worth getting involved because in two days we’re going to be taking selfies of ourselves in our dressed-up Toma cages or having a giggle over how much we’re bullying Teo from the Ssum. A rule of thumb I’ve followed, if there’s something I want to say that may be intense – sleep on it. If I still feel the same way, I’ll follow through.

If you decide to get involved then.. okay! That’s valid and your decision. However! Just because you choose to be involved doesn’t mean that everyone else is nor wants to be. Please do not drag people who are clearly not looking for conflict, don’t misread conversations that you are not involved in, and don’t take your frustrated energy on others. That isn’t healthy and you need to step away for a while. Just because someone chooses not to comment doesn’t mean they support what’s happening and no one should be harassed or accused of such – many people simply want to de-stress from real life by talking about their favorite ikemen or gush about big tiddies and you know what? That’s just as valid.

I’ve more feelings about this in general but that’s another story for a different day. This article isn’t coming from a place of annoyance or wanting to ‘preach’ from a soapbox but more of a personal experience as someone who was and still continues to face racism and microaggressions. People get so caught up in speaking “for” others and fighting on their behalf that the point is lost entirely, leaving those affected to be trapped in the middle: alone and vulnerable. Being an ally is more than confrontation, it’s also having the compassion to be someone’s Warrior of Love and Justice when they need you most.

Take care of yourselves & each other,
Bonne.